Food burns in less than a nanosecond

June 1st, 2006

Ever notice how when you suddenly realize that you have food cooking in the oven that you forgot about, you think that if you RUN to the oven you can save it from being a total disaster? Well I just did. And guess what? That half a second it take to run from the bedroom to the stove… it doesn’t really matter! The food was already burnt a long time ago. Say, oh I dunno, maybe 20 minutes ago when the recipe said it would be done!

Yet we still do it every single time. We’ll just be sitting there, doing whatever it is that we are doing at the time, when all of a sudden our brain decides to remind us that an hour ago we were hungry, and oh yeah we put that pizza in the ov… OH SHIT, THE OVEN! And we LEAP up from whatever it is we are doing, make a mad dash to the kitchen, hurdling over any sleeping dogs or small children that may be in the way, and go sliding across the kitchen floor in our socks only to discover that your meal is ruined!

It’s as if we think that one day in the future, if we keep practicing that mad dash to the kitchen, we will somehow be able to reverse earths magnetic field and turn back time to the point that the food was just right. Hey, it’s possible!

Or maybe, just maybe it’s just a conspiracy hatched by the clever minds at Trader Joe’s and Maytag! Maybe they designed a pizza that goes from perfectly warm and crispy to black and charred in less than a nanosecond. Yup. it all happens in the blink of an eye and is triggered by motion sensors in the oven that sense when someone is running towards the kitchen to rescue the perfect golden pizza. Shazzam! Burnt to a crisp. Hey, it’s possible!